When to Use Programming Languages

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  • Willing to take a small speed decrease in order to have a much better time programming than C/C++
  • Need to interface with <~Obscure Technology~>. Because Java probably has a library for it


  • Want/need to use Java libraries but want to feel modern


  • I want to write a version of Java that gets rid of everything good about Java while keeping all of the bad


  • Need the maximum amount of speed possible


  • Need the maximum amount of speed possible while also having the maximum number of language features that don’t fit together


  • Need to write something quick for the browser


  • Need to write something large for the browser


  • Short scripts, one-offs
  • Want to have a good time programming while not caring about speed or ease of refactoring


  • Want the power of concurrency, but don’t want to actually learn concurrency


  • Want/need to use Java libraries but are a hipster
  • Rich Hickey is my spirit animal
  • Seriously though, Clojure is really good for processing data. It has a lot of functions in the standard library for manipulating lists and maps. It’s my tool of choice when working with large JSON files.


  • I’m a sub and I want my compiler to be the dom


  • Want to prove that all those years of mathematics were useful
  • Want to feel superior to the plebs that can’t understand your beautiful monads


  • Want to use a high-level language but am intimidated by Haskell
  • Want a functional language with the opportunity to use imperative programming without having to wrap all values in a ThisIsImpureDontLetItContaminateThePurity monad


  • No
  • Just no