Java

• Willing to take a small speed decrease in order to have a much better time programming than C/C++
• Need to interface with <~Obscure Technology~>. Because Java probably has a library for it

Kotlin

• Want/need to use Java libraries but want to feel modern

Groovy

• I want to write a version of Java that gets rid of everything good about Java while keeping all of the bad

C

• Need the maximum amount of speed possible

C++

• Need the maximum amount of speed possible while also having the maximum number of language features that don’t fit together

Javascript

• Need to write something quick for the browser

Typescript

• Need to write something large for the browser

Python

• Short scripts, one-offs
• Want to have a good time programming while not caring about speed or ease of refactoring

Go

• Want the power of concurrency, but don’t want to actually learn concurrency

Clojure

• Want/need to use Java libraries but are a hipster
• Rich Hickey is my spirit animal
• Seriously though, Clojure is really good for processing data. It has a lot of functions in the standard library for manipulating lists and maps. It’s my tool of choice when working with large JSON files.

Rust

• I’m a sub and I want my compiler to be the dom

Haskell

• Want to prove that all those years of mathematics were useful
• Want to feel superior to the plebs that can’t understand your beautiful monads

OCaml

• Want to use a high-level language but am intimidated by Haskell
• Want a functional language with the opportunity to use imperative programming without having to wrap all values in a ThisIsImpureDontLetItContaminateThePurity monad

PHP

• No
• Just no